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Minority Report Card: Grey’s Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother and more.

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“It’s not funny, Bart. Millions of girls will grow up thinking that this is the right way to act – that they can never be more than vacuous ninnies whose only goal in life is to look pretty, land a rich husband, and spend all day on the phone with their equally vacuous friends talkin’ about how damned terrific it is to look pretty and have a rich husband!” – Lisa Simpson

In this column I watch all of the new network premieres and see if they pass the Bechdel test, a test which asks if a work has two women who interact with each other. I then modify the test to apply to people of color (the “Troy and Abed test”) and to queer people (the “Will and Jack test”).

How I Met Your Mother (CBS)

This sitcom about a group of friends returned for its final season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: Barney is the breakout character despite obviously unethical behavior in regards to getting women drunk and otherwise manipulating them to sleep with him.

2 Broke Girls (CBS)

This sitcom about two waitresses in Brooklyn returned for its third season.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: There was a scene in which Han was speaking to the title characters and at the same time Earl was talking to the title characters, but everything about how it was written and shot made it clear that the two were not speaking to each other. Max also had a topical monologue that included the sentence: “Egypt went crazy; Amanda Bynes went crazier.” I’m still reeling from how thoroughly offensive that is.

Mom (CBS)

This sitcom about a single mother and her relationship with her own mother premiered this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: There were no people of color or queer people with speaking roles, although the show did open with the main character waiting on a table that appeared to be two men on a date. But nice to see CBS put out another female-driven show.

Hostages (CBS)

This drama about a woman who’s family is held hostage by a group of terrorists who want her to kill the president premiered this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: No queer characters. The people of color aren’t leads, but seem to at least be a real part of the story.

NCIS (CBS)

This drama about detectives returned for its 11th season this week.

Bechdel: Fail
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: Apparently they’ve done a good job with gay story lines in the past.

NCIS: Los Angeles (CBS)

This spin-off about detectives, but in Los Angeles, returned for its fifth season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: It’s a moderately diverse ensemble, but no queer characters.

Person of Interest (CBS)

This drama about a man who invents a machine that spies on people constantly to prevent all crime returned for its third season this week.

Bechdel: Fail
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: The politics of this show seem weird and terrifying, but it does an okay job of representing women and people of color.

Criminal Minds (CBS)

This drama about criminal profiles returned for its 9th season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: It’s kind of gross how they portray mental illness with spooky sound cues and overdone special effects so it feels paranormal.

CSI (CBS)

This drama about detectives returned for its 14th season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: I don’t know, man. These shows make me sleepy. The female characters seemed okay.

The Big Bang Theory (CBS)

This comedy about scientists returned for its 7th season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: This show has moved forward quite a bit from how white male-centered it was when it began. This episode gave Bernadette and Amy their own storyline and Raj a storyline with recurring guest actress Regina King.

The Crazy Ones (CBS)

This comedy about people working in advertising premiered this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: Not only is everyone in the cast white and apparently straight, but the guys get to do all the funny bits while Sarah Michelle Gellar’s entire character is being competent at her job. It’s also sad to see a show that clearly got produced because of the product integration potential.

Two and a Half Men (CBS)

This comedy about two male roommates returned for its 11th season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Pass

Notes: There were many par for the course jokes about masculinity and gay panic, but the scene where Jenny reveals she plans on sleeping with a woman and her non-monosexual grandma grins proudly was kind of amazing.

Elementary (CBS)

This detective procedural returned for its second season this week.

Bechdel: Fail
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: I’ve seen episodes of this show with decent representation, but in this one Joan was the only significant female or person of color and there were no queer characters. I’ll keep watching the show for this column until it passes at least one test.

Undercover Boss (CBS)

This reality show returned for its fifth season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: This episode was fascinating. It showed the founder of Twin Peaks (a restaurant chain in the vein of Hooters) visiting his restaurants and discovering that, obviously, the waitresses face rampant sexual harassment. His apparent ignorance was often shocking. When one woman mentioned that being harassed by customers happens often, he asked “Like, once a month?” and she said “No, like once a day!” Even at the end of the experience, he mentioned to a waitress that he’d designed to the chain to be “empowering to the Twin Peaks girls” and she seemed alarmed and aggravated as she said that’s not how they feel at all. The show also exposes how difficult the jobs that are performed for low pay and few benefits really are. In many ways the expose quality is brilliant, but I worry that the disappointing slyness of the show is its ability to confirm whatever the viewer already believes. You could walk away from an episode either feeling that we obviously need fundamental social and economic changes in this country or that job creators are ultimately good people who will always reward hard work in the end. This episode also had an extremely unnecessary level of gross sexism because they installed a camera in the bar at Twin Peaks, meaning they would sometimes cut to shots that were just waitresses’ cleavage. Was it really not enough for them to have an episode where most of the women interviewed and featured are in uniforms that show their breasts? Why include shots that add absolutely nothing to the episode but reduce the waitresses to nothing but their parts?

Hawaii Five-0 (CBS)

This show about cops in Hawaii returned for its fourth season this week.

Bechdel: Fail
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: Pretty much the only game in town for significant Asian representation.

Blue Bloods (CBS)

This mix of a family drama and a police procedural returned for its third season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: Other episode of this show that I’ve watched had no people of color whatsoever and very few female characters, but this one did okay on those fronts.

Castle (ABC)

This detective procedural returned for its sixth season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: The people of color are minor characters and there are still no queer characters.

Marvel’s Agents of SHIELD (ABC)

This show that takes place in the Avengers universe premiered this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: There are two prominent women of color on the show.

The Goldbergs (ABC)

This show about a family in the ’80s premiered this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: In one gross scene, the main character’s comments on a young woman’s body were played solely as an embarrassing moment for him and not a terrible experience for her.

Trophy Wife (ABC)

This show about a woman who marries an older man premiered this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: The pilot did a fairly good job of representing women and people of color and I have high hopes for a show co-created by the brilliant feminist comedian Sarah Haskins.

Lucky 7 (ABC)

This drama about a group of people working at a convenience store who win the lottery premiered this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: There’s two people of color in the main cast and it seems that fatphobia will be a major theme of the show.

The Middle (ABC)

This family sitcom returned for its fifth season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: I’ve never seen an episode with a significant queer character or person of color, but two main female characters are quite well-written.

Back in the Game (ABC)

This sitcom about a woman who starts a little league team premiered this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: There is for real a montage about how inherently hilarious kids who are fat or effeminate or don’t primarily speak English are.

Modern Family (ABC)

This family sitcom returned for its fifth season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Pass

Notes: The diversity in this ensemble is often used as an excuse to include cruel and backwards jokes.

Nashville (ABC)

This primetime soap about country music stars returned for its second season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Pass

Notes: One ongoing plotline in this show focuses on the obstacles gay country musicians face.

Grey’s Anatomy (ABC)

This medical drama returned for its 10th season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: Callie and Arizona were fighting this episode and didn’t get a scene together.

Glee (Fox)

This musical comedy returned for its fifth season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Pass

Notes: Like all Glee episodes, this one had plenty of mean-spirited jokes about every minority you can imagine. It also had Kurt’s disturbing throw away line about wanting to marry Blaine because he doesn’t think anyone else will ever love him, which somehow went uncommented on by his father.

Junior MasterChef (Fox)

This cooking competition returned for its 4th season, with the twist that only kids under 13 are competing.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Fail
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: This is rare– a reality competition where every single judge is white and male.

The Voice (NBC)

This singing competition returned for its fifth season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: It’s been fascinating to see how the queer baiting between Blake Shelton and Adam Levine has become a primary part of the show’s promotion.

The Blacklist (NBC)

This thriller premiered this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: The people of color are extremely minor on this show. On the plus side, the female lead is pretty amazing.

Chicago Fire (NBC)

This drama about firefighters in Chicago returned for its second season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: Last season there was a gross incident where the show’s Twitter polled viewers to see if they want to see the lesbian character have sex with a man. Of course the network’s digital promo team is separate from the show itself, but it shed some light on the views networks still hold about lesbian representation.

Revolution (NBC)

This drama about a world without electricity returned for its second season this week.

Bechdel: Fail
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: You know you’re dealing with an underwritten character when the great Giancarlo Esposito can’t bring him to life.

Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC)

This drama about people who investigate sex crimes returned for its 15th season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: In the second episode of the two episode premiere, a gay character appeared briefly.

Parks and Recreation (NBC)

This sitcom about people who work in local government returned for its sixth season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: The representation on this show is generally outstanding. I continue to be disappointed that there isn’t a prominent queer character.

The Michael J. Fox Show (NBC)

This sitcom about a news anchor with Parkinson’s premiered this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: It’s great seeing a show where the lead has a disability and is actually played by an actor with that disability. However, the cliche and mean-spirited trans* joke in the second episode was incredibly disappointing.

Parenthood (NBC)

This drama about a family returned for its fifth season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: This show has won two Television Academy Honors in the category of “Television with a Conscience” and gotten nominations for both an ALMA Award and two NAACP Awards. It also won a PRISM Award for best episode dealing with substance abuse for best drama series with a multi-episode storyline about mental health for the portrayal of Max’s Asperger’s. It’s somewhat surprising that it hasn’t had a significant queer character yet.

Saturday Night Live (NBC)

This sketch comedy returned for its 39th season this week.

Bechdel: Pass
Troy and Abed: Pass
Will and Jack: Fail

Notes: What if we stopped using “mentally ill” as a punchline?


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